I thought I could spend time with you when you're around,

But now I think I was totally wrong.

I really wish I'm able to not care about you,

But I think it ain't an easy thing to do.

Missing You

Taken at damn Tuesday night with deep thought for you,

Sorry if that bothers you.

Nurani yang Terperangkap

Derit kipas angin tua mengiringi pena menari di atas kertas putih
Melepaskan umpatan yang tertambat di dinding kerongkongan
Tak mengacuhkan saraf yang mulai berontak karena letih
Demi batin yang sudah lama menuntut untuk segera dikosongkan

Logika bersikeras mencari celah untuk lolos dari kejaran roda dunia
Ya, bagaimana pun aku adalah manusia
Segesit-gesitnya berkelit, tak kan mampu terbebas
Marah, dendam, kecewa, sedih bergulir tanpa batas

Aku bernyawa tapi tidak benar-benar hidup
Aku berjalan tapi tidak benar-benar melangkah
Aku melihat tapi tidak benar-benar memandang
Aku berkata tapi tidak benar-benar berbicara

Masih berusaha menjalani sewajar mungkin sambil menunggu eksekusi yang tak kunjung datang
Dengan penuh tanya atas kehadiranku di bumi yang tak lagi lajang
Di sisi lain, hanya menikmati gusar akan peran yang seharusnya aku mainkan
Barangkali aku memang sedang dipermainkan

Confusion

Why do you like to confuse me?
Sometime you're so good like Uriel, but sometime you're so mean like Lucifer.
Why do you like to confuse me?
Sometime you pour some honey to my tea, but sometime you pour poison to it.
Why do you like to confuse me?
Sometime you put coat on my body, but sometime you let me shiver.
Why do you like to confuse me?
Sometime you're so easy to let me see, but sometime you become so difficult to deal with.

The Singing of Yours

rs

 

Always want to hear this voice (*how gay, whatever)

Dumped

For you who have ever been dumped

Now you are the knights who will define your own paths

And for you who have ever dumped

They are not fucking fleshes which can always be stabbed

Mother fucker…

If you picked them up just for creating tears, then don’t

They are not slaves

If you chose them just for wreaking sadness, then don’t

Better if you led them to their graves

Yes, that’s much better…

Star Drowned

You may berate me as much as you want to

But I beg you please don’t go

Too far I’ve been through

Though it seems you don’t want to know

You came up and stole everything

And now you seem to walk away

You used to ask me to stop whining

And now you say, “Then whine, Gay!”

I remember the first time you said “hi”

And now you seem to say “bye”

You used to make me so alive

And now you make me hate my life

You taught me how to be strong

And now you lash out like I’m always wrong

You used to slap my sorrows

And now you incise the shadows

I know you’re trying to close the way

While saying, “Nothing happened, so nothing have to say.”

It would be much better if I did never know you since the beginning

Or the sores would never be missing

Tell me if it’s over

Then I won’t try to make it closer